The Cosplay Real Problem with Lowered Expectations
The Reality of ‘Being Nice’, When Good Intentions Miss the Mark – Part 2/8
This is Part 2 of an 8-part mini-series examining how well-intentioned kindness in the Malaysian cosplay community can sometimes achieve the opposite of its intended effect, and what genuine inclusion actually requires.
Published on 2 December 2025 by Maya Sharma
Series Table of Contents
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- The Performance of Kindness in Cosplay Communities
- The Problem with Lowered Expectations (current)
- Infantilization: The Hidden Power Dynamic
- The Burden of Being ‘Special’
- When Help Becomes Harmful
- Learning Through Genuine Relationship
- The Challenge of Community Education
- Building Genuinely Inclusive Spaces
The Cosplay Real Problem with Lowered Expectations
In Part 1, we explored how performed kindness differs from authentic engagement and how cosplayers with disabilities can often sense when they are being treated as social obligations rather than genuine community members. This foundation leads us to examine one of the most problematic manifestations of misguided kindness: the application of different standards based on disability.
The Community’s Values—For Some
The Malaysian cosplay community typically values accuracy, craftsmanship, and attention to detail in costume construction. These values are not merely abstract ideals; they are enforced through social responses to what people wear. High-quality costumes receive genuine admiration and photography requests. Cosplayers with exceptional skills become recognized figures within the community, their work serving as inspiration for others.
Conversely, poorly constructed outfits might attract polite silence or constructive criticism about what could be improved. A cosplayer whose seams are crooked, whose props are obviously made of unpainted cardboard, or whose wig is poorly styled might receive gentle feedback from friends or simply less attention from photographers and other community members. This social feedback mechanism helps maintain standards and encourages improvement.
However, these standards shift dramatically when the cosplayer in question has a known disability or disorder. The same costume that would be politely ignored or gently critiqued if worn by a neurotypical cosplayer instead receives enthusiastic praise when worn by someone with autism. Props that would be considered unfinished become “amazing” when created by someone with a physical disability. Wigs that would warrant styling advice instead receive compliments about effort and dedication.
The Assumption Underlying Differential Treatment.
The shift in standards stems from a specific assumption: that the person has done their best given their limitations, and therefore their effort deserves recognition even if the result falls short of community standards. This reasoning appears compassionate on the surface. Why not acknowledge effort? Why not be encouraging rather than critical?
The problem lies in what this assumption communicates about perceived capability. When community members internally acknowledge that a costume is poorly made but publicly praise it as amazing, they operate from the belief that the creator is inherently less capable than others. The unspoken logic goes: “This costume would not be acceptable from a typical cosplayer, but given that this person has [disability], it is impressive that they managed to create anything at all.”
This positions the individual’s efforts as impressive specifically because of who they are rather than because of what they have accomplished. A neurotypical cosplayer creating the same costume would not receive praise because the work itself does not meet community standards. The praise directed at the cosplayer with a disability, therefore, stems not from the quality of their work but from lowered expectations about what they can achieve.
What Gets Communicated
The message communicated through differential treatment—however unintentionally—is that different and lower expectations apply to individuals with disabilities because they are viewed as fundamentally limited in their abilities. This message reaches multiple audiences simultaneously.
To the cosplayer receiving the praise, it signals that others do not believe they can achieve the same standards as everyone else. Even if they cannot articulate exactly why the praise feels hollow, many can sense that they are being judged by different criteria. This recognition can be deeply demoralizing, as it suggests that others see their disability as an insurmountable limitation rather than simply one factor among many shaping their work.
To other community members observing these interactions, differential treatment reinforces stereotypes about disability. When they consistently see lower-quality work from disabled cosplayers receiving the same or greater praise than high-quality work from others, it confirms assumptions that people with disabilities simply cannot achieve the same level of craftsmanship. This reinforcement occurs even though the real issue is not capability but the social dynamics preventing honest feedback and genuine skill development.
To the broader community, these patterns establish that inclusion means lowering standards rather than providing equal support to meet consistent standards. This understanding of inclusion fundamentally misses the mark, positioning disability as a reason to expect less rather than as a factor that might require different forms of support or accommodation.
The Dishonesty Problem
Beyond the problematic assumptions about capability, differential treatment involves a fundamental dishonesty that corrodes the possibility of genuine relationship. When cosplayers privately acknowledge that a costume is poorly made but publicly praise it as amazing, they engage in deception rooted in pity rather than respect.
This dishonesty manifests in the gap between what people say and what they actually think. A group of cosplayers might enthusiastically compliment someone’s costume to their face, then privately discuss its obvious flaws once that person is out of earshot. This split between public performance and private reality treats the person with a disability as someone who cannot handle truth, someone who requires a carefully managed fiction to protect their feelings.
The assumption that individuals with disabilities need this protection infantilizes them, suggesting they are too fragile to receive the honest feedback that helps all cosplayers improve their craft. It denies them access to the same social learning mechanisms that benefit everyone else in the community. A neurotypical cosplayer receiving constructive criticism can use that feedback to identify weak points in their technique and improve for their next costume. A cosplayer with a disability receiving only praise—regardless of their work’s actual quality—loses access to this crucial learning process.
The Impact on Skill Development
The consequences of lowered expectations extend beyond immediate emotional impact to affect long-term skill development. Cosplay is a craft that improves through practice, feedback, and iteration. Cosplayers learn by attempting new techniques, receiving response to their work, identifying areas for improvement, and trying again with refined approaches.
When someone consistently receives praise regardless of their work’s quality, this learning cycle breaks down. They have no way to distinguish between techniques that work well and those that need refinement. They cannot identify which aspects of their costume construction need more practice or different approaches. The feedback that would help them develop their skills is withheld in the name of being kind.
Over time, this denial of honest feedback can create a significant skill gap. A cosplayer who began at the same level as their peers but receives different feedback will develop more slowly, not because of any inherent limitation but because they lack access to the information necessary for improvement. The lowered expectations that were meant to protect their feelings instead limit their growth and reinforce the very capability gap that justified the differential treatment in the first place.
When Recipients Notice
Many cosplayers with disabilities are acutely aware when they are being judged by different standards. Years of experience with differential treatment in various contexts have trained them to recognize the specific patterns it creates. They notice when praise is generic rather than specific, when it focuses on effort rather than results, when it comes with an emotional tone that suggests pity rather than admiration.
This awareness creates a painful paradox. The person recognizes they are being treated differently but may struggle to address it directly. Challenging the excessive praise risks appearing ungrateful or difficult. Asking for honest feedback can be met with resistance from community members who believe they are being kind and protective. The cosplayer finds themselves trapped in a dynamic where the community’s good intentions prevent them from accessing the genuine engagement they seek.
Some individuals respond by questioning whether any praise they receive is genuine. If they create something they genuinely feel good about and receive compliments, they must wonder whether people are responding to the quality of their work or simply performing obligatory kindness. This uncertainty undermines the satisfaction and validation that cosplay can provide, turning positive feedback into a source of doubt rather than encouragement.
The Alternative Approach
Genuine inclusion does not require lowering standards. Instead, it means holding everyone to the same standards while recognizing that different people may need different forms of support to meet those standards. A cosplayer with limited hand mobility might need recommendations for alternative construction techniques rather than being told their rough seams are fine as is. A cosplayer with autism might benefit from direct, specific feedback about what works and what does not rather than vague praise about effort.
This approach treats disability as a factor that shapes how someone approaches their craft rather than as a fundamental limitation on what they can achieve. It respects individuals with disabilities as capable of growth, learning, and meeting high standards when given appropriate support and honest feedback. Most importantly, it positions them as full members of the community subject to the same expectations as everyone else.
In Part 3, we examine how infantilization—treating adults with disabilities as though they require the patience and simplified interaction usually reserved for children—creates problematic power dynamics within the community.
Maya Sharma
Hello. I’m Maya Sharma, a psychology student with a deep curiosity for how people think, feel, and navigate the world. Writing is my way of making sense of it all—sharing my thoughts, challenging perspectives, and reflecting on the moments that shape us.
“Life isn’t just about having the answers; it’s about asking the right questions, and I’m here to explore them, one article at a time.!”
